a m a n t  d e  l a  m o d e ;

Hold your head high, gorgeous. They will kill to see you fall.

s a m m y . 2 3 . l o n d o n .
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Judging people without all the facts is NOT okay.

So, I never really use Tumblr as a proper blog. The 30 day challenge aside, (which, it should be noted, I never actually finished) I’ve never really used my blogging page to do just that; blogging. I figured I never really wanted to get into pouring my soul out to my small amount of followers, who, to be honest, probably don’t really care anyway. However, things have been going on which I am not happy with, and so instead of making my friends sick to death of the sound of my constant moaning about it, I thought I’d just rant on here and finally be fucking done with it. Such is the plan, anyway.

The name of this post pretty much says it all if I’m honest. If there is ever a time that you are told something about someone, whether you know them or not, it is NEVER okay to accept this information at face value. To accept that it must be true of them and to write them off. Whether positive or not, it’s not fair. It’s not fair on them to be judged, and it’s not fair of you to think you even begin to be in a position to judge them.

I have a huge issue with people believing things of me that simply aren’t true. Who doesn’t? And furthermore, I have a huge issue with not being able to prove to these people that what they think of me is wrong. Who’s going to listen to your denial? Obviously, you’re going to lie. That’s exactly what they believe of you - you’re a liar, a gossip, a cheat, a bitch - whatever it is they’ve been fed. Sometimes I think; why do you even care? If they’re going to believe it, let them - they can’t be very good friends if they can’t even ask you. If they’re so single minded and sheep-like that they have to follow whatever anyone else tells them, who cares? Easily brainwashed people are weak people, and you don’t need them in your life.

However, I’m terrible at letting go. I realise that perhaps these people aren’t actually worth my time, if they so easily believe things about me without so much as asking for my side of any story. But I’m always plagued with ‘what if?’s. What if they don’t care that we don’t speak anymore? What if they all have a great time without me and I’m left feeling shit that we’re no longer friends? What if I overreacted? What if maybe what they think of me IS true?

Moral of the story, kids, is that it is not okay for ANYONE to EVER, under ANY circumstances, make you feel this way. Make you feel ostracised for no real reason. To not listen to your explanation, or to take sides. Even if you make a mistake, and God knows, none of us are perfect - absolutely no one on this earth is in a position to judge you for it, lest they be on the receiving end of something negative you have done.

For the same reason society does not tolerate racism, or sexism, you should never accept anyone in your life that makes you feel discriminated against for some unfounded belief, that they never had the time or willpower to investigate properly. It is NOT your fault that they are acting so cowardly; that they can’t even approach you themselves to know the real story. It is NOT your fault that people choose to take the easy road, and the popular story over what is actually the truth. You don’t need people like that in your life. Friends are supposed to bring you joy, and happy memories - anyone that brings you more sadness than elation? They’re not worth your time.

If you’re worried about cutting people out of your life - as I am - realise that anyone that makes no effort to become part of your life again, probably never cared enough to be a proper friend while they were in it anyway. People can give you some of the best memories of your life, but the ones who are really worth it wouldn’t ever make you seriously consider whether or not you want to be their friend anymore. People change, and it kind of helps you learn to let go. Sometimes it just gets to the point where their role in your life acts as more of a hindrance than anything else. Too many people will hold you back from doing what you really want to do.

Friendship is obviously about compromise. You’re never going to like everything about someone, but you accept that because they accept you, and your faults. You have to make sacrifices for friends sometimes, but there is a point that they should understand when you don’t, and when in not doing so, you AREN’T being a bad friend.

If they’re making more effort to judge you, and to make you feel bad about yourself, than they EVER did to actually stop and be your friend for the whole time you’ve known them, maybe it’s time to let them go. Nothing you leave behind will ever be as amazing as what is still to come. At least, that’s what I hope.

"Hating is easy - love takes courage", and at the end of the day, haters gonna hate. All you can do is be the best person you can, and leave them to it.

#judging  #people  #is  #not  #okay  #life  #love  #friends  

"We made a deal ages ago. Men, babies, it doesn’t matter. We are soulmates."

- Samantha, Sex and the City 2